Loss
by Bumblebee'sGuardian
Summary: Post DotM Two bots learn that they can't always hide their grief and the consequences bottling it up can have on their friendship. Friendship only.


Cold. That's how he felt. Cold, lost, and alone. He was the last of his generation. His only other companion and friend from it was gone. Ironhide had been murdered by Sentinel and he hadn't been there to save him. He'd dissolved into a pile of rust, nothing remaining but an empty spark casing.

Ratchet sighed, fighting the anguish that threatened to overwhelm both his processor and his spark. A week had passed, but things weren't getting any easier. He'd repaired Optimus and the rest of the Autobots, but he couldn't fix either Ironhide or Que. They were gone. Not even the Matrix would be able to bring them back.

A knock interrupted his thoughts and he immediately brought his gruff demeanor back, his shield in front of all the emotions that threatened to tear him asunder.

"Enter," he growled.

Sideswipe entered, a dent the size of a huge fist on his helm. "'Lo Ratchet."

"Primus, what happened now?" Ratchet fought the urge to coddle the bot, sitting him roughly down on the makeshift berth.

"Dino and I were clearing some debris when we uncovered one of the Cons that escaped. He got me with a good punch before Dino managed to take him down." Sideswipe grimaced as Ratchet turned his head none too gently. "The Con was pretty huge. Don't know how he managed to stay hidden."

"You were supposed to keep your sensors peeled," snapped Ratchet. He started looking for the necessary tools for pulling out the dent before it could get pushed into any core processing units.

"His signature was cloaked!" said Sideswipe. That earned him a wrench to the good side of his helm. "Hey!"

"You still need to keep an eye on your aft. No excuses." Ratchet shuddered internally. The Con's blow had been terribly close to crushing Sideswipe's main processor. He didn't need to loose anyone else so soon after they'd been tragically victorious.

"Yes Ratchet." The medic stopped. This wasn't the Sideswipe he knew. He was docile, not even fighting him. "Something wrong, Ratchet?"

The Medic shook his head. "No. Stay still. This may hurt. I'm going to have to remove your helm to get the dent out without harming your processor."

"Very well." The silver warrior sat stock still as Ratchet began to cautiously remove his helm. He was never this still save when waiting to pounce on an opponent.

"How are you, Sideswipe?" Ratchet's question caught both the silver warrior and himself off guard.

"Um, fine, I guess." Sideswipe paused. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason. You seem unusually distant." Ratchet finally got the warrior's helm off, instantly beginning to ding the dent out. A warrior without his helm could be hurt only too easily.

"I'm sure you like that."

Ratchet looked at the silver warrior reprovingly, even as he continued to work, getting the dent out with three more swift hammers of his instrument. He placed the helm back on Sides' head, affixing it to once more. He had to hurry before his emotions got the better of him. "I don't know what you are assuming, Sideswipe, but-"

"You always hated my cockiness and carefree attitude. Guess you finally got your wish. And for the record, Ironhide was starting to enjoy it. I would have hoped that he managed to change your mind with you being friends and all."

Ratchet tensed at the mention of Ironhide, turning the last screw tightly. "You can leave now, Sideswipe."

"But-"

"Leave. NOW!" Ratchet raised his wrench to throw it and Sideswipe rushed out, surprise clear on his face. The medic closed the door with a loud slam, closing himself and his emotions off from the world.

Sideswipe woke the morning after his incident with Ratchet to the sound of a soft knocking on his door. He hadn't been able to recharge well last night at all. Whether it was the guilt of speaking to Ratchet in such a way or his failure to save Ironhide, he couldn't tell. Both wore on his thoughts heavily. He stood slowly, striding to the door and opening it quickly. He instantly jumped to attention. "Optimus. What can I do for you, sir?"

"Ratchet drove off in a hurry last night and we haven't heard from him since. Do you know why he would do that?" Optimus didn't look mad, only gravely worried. "I know you spoke with him in the medical bay while he repaired your helm and that you left in a hurry."

Sideswipe sighed. "He made a comment to me about being distant and I told him he probably like it. I proceeded to tell him how Ironhide had accepted my former attitudes and I thought that with them being friends, Ironhide would have changed his mind about it."

Optimus nodded. "I see." He paused. "I know Ironhide was your mentor, Sideswipe, but you don't have to hide that fact that his death has taken a toll on you."

"Ironhide would just tell me to suck it up. Wouldn't he?"

To Sideswipe's dismay, the Prime shook his head. "He wouldn't want his death to be a hindrance to you, but he wouldn't want you to just shrug it off. He was not just your mentor, but your friend, just as he was mine and just as he was Bumblebee's. Ratchet on the other hand knew him the longest and was friends with him since they were younglings. Did you know they were the last of their generation?"

Sideswipe shook his head. "No. So Ratchet..."

"Is the last of his kind," finished Optimus, "He is hurting, Sideswipe. He may not act like it, but he is. He could cope before because of Ironhide, but now...he'd reaching his limit. I was hoping that a little time would help him, but it seems to have only made things worse."

"What...what can we do?" asked Sideswipe.

"Bumblebee tracked his signal to Washington DC. I plan on leaving to go there right now."

"I'll do it." Optimus looked at Sideswipe curiously. "I need to make amends."

Optimus nodded. "I understand. When you do find Ratchet, remember. He is not a drone. He has feeling like you, or I, even if he doesn't like to share them."

Sideswipe smiled softly at Optimus. "I'll remember that. Thank you, sir."

"Go make good, Sideswipe. I'll cover for you." Optimus stepped to the side, letting the Twin step past him. "I should also let you know that the Ark II is on its way."

Sideswipe perked up. "Sunstreaker?"

"And Prowl, Wheeljack, Blurr, Hot Rod, Mirage, and many others. They've come to help rebuild and to renew our alliance with the humans. Go. They are still a few days away. If they come sooner, I will inform you."

"Yes, Optimus." Sideswipe strode quickly down the hall. "I'll try to be back before curfew." He transformed as he rounded the corner, leaving Prime chuckling in his wake, disguising any guilty that the silver warrior was actually feeling.

Ratchet slowed as he drove into the yet to be repaired NEST base. There were so many memories. Too many. He had to go in. With a heavy sigh, he transformed, walking to the spot where Ironhide had fallen and knelt down next to it. Though Ironhide was gone, Ratchet's spark felt a ghost of the old warrior's familiar warm spirit. It was saddening, but welcome, a bit of solace for the medic's aching spark. Ironhide had been here and part of him still was.

"I failed him, Ratchet."

The medic stood and turned sharply, seeing Sideswipe walking in through the gate.

"I should have seen it coming. I should have warned him, saved him, done something, but I didn't." The mech shook his head. "He was my mentor and partner. It should be me that died, not him." His voice quavered. "I'm sorry Ratchet. It's all my fault."

Ratchet's expression softened. "Sideswipe, you couldn't have known. No one did."

"But I should have. I know you blame yourself, but I should have done something for him. I was his partner. So, please, blame me. I already do." Sideswipe hung his lead, looking down at the asphalt.

Ratchet stared at the young mech before him, shaking his head. He'd been so focused on keeping his own emotions and keeping them hidden, he'd missed the barrier built by this poor mech. He'd snapped at Sideswipe when the Twin had only been trying to hide his own emotions, trying to be brave. Like Ironhide. He walked slowly up to the silver warrior, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I can't Sideswipe, because it's neither of our faults."

Sideswipe glanced up at him quickly before looking away again. "But-"

"No buts, kid. Didn't Ironhide teach you that?" That got the medic a small smirk from the warrior. "Look, kid, I'm sorry I yelled at you before. I...I was blaming myself too. I miss the old bot more than I'd ever admit to his face. I feel like...if maybe I'd been there I too could have seen it coming. I wasn't though and even though you were there, there was no way either of us ever could have. Sentinel had us all fooled, even Optimus. We've got to stop blaming ourselves, Sides. The only one at fault here was Sentinel. Not me. Not you. Sentinel." Ratchet paused, squeezing the young mech's shoulder reassuringly. "Sides, look at me." Sideswipe looked up at Ratchet, his optics moist with energon tears. "It's not your fault."

Sideswipe nodded slowly. "I'm sorry too. For being rude and blunt. I wasn't thinking. I didn't realize that you were so...alone now."

Ratchet stiffened at first, but relaxed looking at the broken mech before him, his optics moistening too. "I may be the last of my generation, kid, but I'm never alone. You just showed me that." Sideswipe's optics danced with surprise. "I've got you kid. I've got Optimus, Bumblebee, the rest of the Autobots." He swallowed. "Hide may be gone too, but we've still got our memories and he'll always be there in our sparks. We'll never forget him and I'm sure he'll never forget us."

Sides laughed. "All those appointments he tried to avoid and the dents to his helm from your wrenches."

Ratchet chuckled himself. "You and Sunstreaker 'borrowing' his cannons."

Sideswipe laughed again, but his laughter dissolved into sobs. "I miss him, Ratchet." He hugged the older bot suddenly, nearly bowling him over. "I miss him so much."

Ratchet put an arm on the mech's back, rubbing it calmingly as if he were merely an upset sparkling. "Shhhhh. I know, Sides, I know." Ratchet let his tears stream silently down his face as Sideswipe's sobs turned into a low keening. "He was the best. And he always will be."

Unbeknownst to the two weeping warriors, Ironhide smiled at them from the Well of Allsparks, both one of sorrow and satisfaction. "About time you admitted it, old one. Keep the kid safe. I'll be waiting for you when you're ready. And don't think I didn't hear you call me old."

Ratchet smiled softly as he swore heard Ironhide's voice in his processor. "Let's get home, kid. Ironhide can wait for us. Hopefully, he managed to learn some patience." Sideswipe laughed, the air warming with a distant laughter from another mech that neither could see, but would always be with them.


End file.
